Let it snow!

Okay, so the Christmas spirit is starting to hit me. I'm getting excited. Although it would be better if we had snow. I'm going to Vancouver in a couple weeks to do my Christmas shopping and I can't wait!
I thought about decorating yesterday, but then decided I had to be careful cuz it's likely Bender will eat most of the decorations. We're not going to set up a tree, which is a little disapointing, but I'll comprimise.
My 18th birthday is in a few weeks, I'm also relatively excited about that. I need to plan a party. Soon. I'm not really sure what kind of party to plan. If anyone has any ideas let me know. I also need to find someone to plan it with me cuz I'll be away for a week before my birthday.
I havn't been doing much but working lately. I figured I should work as much as I can right now so I have lots of money for Christmas.
I sort of have a plan for next year, but it's a secret. All I can say is that I feel much better about my plans for the future. :)
Well that's that.
Bex

The bus ride to meet you here took me half my life.

It's been a few days since my last post. I was busy having fun and not being on the computer. Which is good for me. I spend too much time on the computer. But I'm stumped as to what everyone else does during their down time? Oh well.
Randi, Suz and I spent the weekend randomly amusing ourselves. Thursday night we saw Harry Potter at midnight, and to be perfectly honest my mind was everywhere else but in the movie.
Friday I got my hair done. Becky's current hair color; bright red and black. It's really cool. And Suz made Nibbler, who's name is now Neubonic, a new home. He loves it.
Saturday we went Wet Creek and Suz kicked a tunnel.
Saturday night Suz and I played video games for a few hours and then made a top secret movie in which we were dressed up as black men. Shifty, but very funny.
I worked today and it was good. Everyone at work really likes my hair. Score.

I'm back to being unsure about how I feel these days. I wonder if I look to others like I lack personality because I'm not confident in my own thoughts and values. I'm not sure who I am to the people who know me.
At this exact moment, I feel like standing at the top of a hill and screaming as loud as I can, then rolling to the bottom. And I wonder why I don't just go and do this? And I can't decide why.
Just like I can't decide anything else. I'll write a paragraph in this blog and then realize I don't believe anything I had just written. So I delete it. Delete. Delete. Delete. Delete is a weird word.
[insert thought here]
I'd like to live with friends for a while. My family is bad for me. They make me bitter and unpleasent. So what's stopping me? I wonder if I wanted something bad enough how far I would go to get it. That takes me back to being unsure about what I want and how I view everything I could possibly want as unrealistic.
[insert thought here]
I want spontaneity.
And that's that.
Bex
Maybe you know me now but it's strange somehow if I'm lost too.